Hormones!!

I thought I'd get used to these mood swings. I've noticed it's not just crying anymore. I get irritable easier. And I have trouble understanding people and concepts. It's making work difficult. It's also making getting along with people difficult! Poor Chris is having a hard time with me. He's trying, but I can tell he's getting frustrated. Ten more days. I wonder what the combination of Provera and Premarin will do to my moods. I start that this Friday. I know lots of women in menopause take estrogen, but I guess it's to even out their moods and make them normal. I was normal (well, at least my MOODS were! HA!) before this!

My first day back at work last week was ROUGH. By lunch, I was dragging. I had no idea it would be that hard. Friday was MUCH better. This week is hard because it's month-end, which is a very busy time and I have a heavy workload, but I think I'm fully recovered now. I did end up calling the clinic about the bleeding. They said it was ok, as long as it didn't continue for days, which it didn't.

It's out!

I had my post-op appointment yesterday. It went really well. I finally got the catheter out. I was still a little sore afterwards, but I could tell a difference immediately. I asked if we could try another DIUI next cycle instead of waiting a cycle and he said it would be fine, so we're going for it! YAY!! I don't think any of my family actually reads this at this point, so I'm not too worried about them seeing this. I haven't told them that we're trying next month because if it works, I want it to be a surprise (again).

I was cleared yesterday to exercise, have sex, and come back to work (today). Well, we decided to try one of those out last night. Hmmm...it was great and there was no pain, however, afterwards, I was bleeding quite a bit and then I started cramping. This morning I'm still bleeding a little and cramping. Kind of like a light day of AF. If it keeps going, I'll call the clinic. I haven't really bled the whole time since surgery. I'm also curious to see how work goes today. Especially with the cramping and the mood swings.

Speaking of mood swings, I asked about stopping or reducing the premarin, and that's a no go. Oh well. So, here's the plan. I keep taking the premarin (estrogen) until Feb. 10. On Feb. 3 I start Provera. That should get AF started around Feb. 13-20 (Happy Birthday to me!). On CD3, I start Clomid. CD13 I go in for a follicle scan and we go from there! I may be having a Thanksgiving baby!!

Skin cancer appointment

So I got there and went in the room and saw the needle with the numbing stuff, and the scalpel, and the alcohol swabs, and the gloves, etc. I started getting a little nervous. The doc walks in a says, "I changed my mind. Cutting this out is going to leave a big scar and there's a new cream treatment out that's not FDA approved for skin cancer, but it has a 90+% success rate with superficial basal cell and it's worth a shot. If it doesn't work after a month, we'll cut it out." Woo-hoo!! My dad was with me, which wasn't completely necessary, but it was nice to have him drive me, since I still have discomfort sitting up because of the catheter, and I rarely see him outside of church, so I got to spend some time with him. Anyway, this cream IS approved for genital warts, so I know it's safe for human use. He even gave me a couple samples, so hopefully I won't have to buy any. I'm not sure if my insurance would cover it and it's a couple hundred bucks for one treatment. I'm so glad my doc isn't knife happy!

Recovery sucks!

I thought it would be easier. I assumed I'd be back to normal by now. At least 90% or so. Not so! I called the clinic Friday because I didn't think it was normal to still be in this much pain/discomfort 4 days after surgery (although it IS only 4 days...). They had me come in and checked the uterine catheter. My doc is out of town, but another doc checked it. Wow, was I in for a shock. If you have a weak stomach, skip the next paragraph.

Apparently, there's about 4" of extra tubing that they just stuffed up in my vagina and she pulled this out to see if that was pinching and causing the pain. She had me walk around with it hanging out to see if I wanted to keep it that way until they could remove it next Wednesday. That was very awkward. And it didn't ease the pain. It's more in my belly and it's normally only when I'm sitting up. I'm ok if I'm laying down. I can even stand up and walk around for a while, though I found out yesterday I get pretty tired pretty quick. Anyway, the doc stuffed it all back up there and said that the only other option is to drain 1cc of fluid from the foley, but there is a risk of it falling out and my uterus would not heal properly. I told her that was not an option. I would just have to deal with it.

I explained my concern of going back to work on Monday as planned and the discomfort of sitting for 8 hours, since 5 minutes seems to hurt. She suggested that I don't go back to work until after my post-op appointment, which is when the catheter will be removed. I think that's a great idea. That means a lot of paperwork, since the length of time means it's short-term disability, but right now my health and my future baby is the most important thing. Oh, and the pain is probably contractions/cramping of my uterus around the balloon/foley and sitting up causes more pressure and makes it worse.

Another problem I'm having is my emotions. OMG, they are horrible. These hormone pills are screwing me up bad. I'll be fine one minute, then just start bawling my eyes out. Two minutes later, I'm fine. It's crazy. I go through this 4-5 times a day. Poor Chris. He's been a real trooper through all this. I wouldn't want to deal with me if I didn't have to! LOL.

Tomorrow is my cancer removal appointment. I'm a little nervous because I'm not looking forward to getting my forehead cut on. And I don't have anyone to go with me. Chris can't take off work any this week. I hate to ask anyone else to miss work for me. I'm sure I'll be fine. I've had this done 3 times before, I'll just close my eyes and think happy thoughts. Maybe I'll treat myself to a nice lunch afterwards.

That's all for now. I really hope the pain goes completely away once this thing is removed from my uterus. I'm going back to work Thursday and I'm going to have a lot to catch up on. I won't have time to worry about how I feel at that point. Oh, and I'm really tired of feeling guilty because I'm not recovering as quick as other people who have had laps done. I have to keep reminding myself that these other people did NOT have their uterus cut on or go home with a balloon in there and tubing stuffed up in them (which, by the way, loops of it keep falling out and I have to keep stuffing it back up there, NOT FUN). The lap part doesn't even hurt anymore. Sure, the bruise across my belly looks nasty and it's a little sore, but not a big deal. I think I'd be at that 90% if it weren't for the septum. So, I can't keep comparing my recovery period to other people who didn't have that. So far, I haven't talked to anyone who had that done.

Skin cancer update

Well, I heard from the dermatologist yesterday. It turns out I do NOT have melanoma, but the spot on my forehead IS basal cell, so I'm going in on Monday to have an excision. That's definitely the lesser of the two evils, so I'm not complaining. I'd rather not have the scar on my forehead, but at least now it will be a straight line instead of a round circle from the biopsy.

The pain from the surgery seems to be subsiding. Yesterday was definitely the worst day. It was hard, but I made it through. I even slept through most of the night. Chris ended up staying home with me yesterday since I kept him up all night the first night. It was nice to have him here. I'm back working (from home) today. My sister is bringing me lunch, so I'm looking forward to that.

Surgery is over

Everything went just as planned. The septum was the kind that can be removed, so he removed it. I had extensive endo, so that was removed as well. I was in surgery for only an hour. I'm in quite a bit of pain, but I'm awake and alert, surprisingly. I had to have 2 incisions, other than my belly button. I feel like I have to pee all the time. I think it's because of the uterine catheter they left in me. I have to go back next Wednesday to have that taken out. I'm not sure at this point when I'll go back to work. I wasn't planning on going back with the catheter in, but we'll see. I was also hoping to work (from home) beginning tomorrow, but everyone is telling me tomorrow will be the worst day, pain-wise. I guess we'll see about that, too. The doc gave me oxycodone for pain, doxycycline (antibiotic) to prevent infection from the catheter, and premarin to build the uterine lining back up.

So, in case anyone wants to know, here's what happened with Chris' birthday yesterday. I had reserved tables for 20 at Logan's (restaurant) and invited all my family and his family. His nephew, who he's really close to, came into town from GA just for him. He was so surprised and excited. Afterwards, his nephews and their wives came over to play Scene It, a DVD game he got for his birthday. I think he had a really great time.

Off topic

I went to my dermatologist yesterday for another suspicious mole. He thinks I may have another melanoma. He biopsied it and I'll know something in a week or so. I also asked him about a scaley spot on my forehead that hasn't healed in about a month. He said it's most likely basal cell carcinoma (again) and biopsied it, too. Not too dangerous, but not very fun coming to work with a bandaid smack dab in the center of my forehead. If it IS bcc, that means an excision, stitches, and a scar (in the middle of my forehead). Fun. I'll post more when I get the results. I'm more concerned about the melanoma, obviously. Hopefully, if that's what it is, we caught it early enough to cut it out without using drugs (chemo, radiation, etc.). That's how it's always happened in the past.

Oh, and Chris got in a little fender bender yesterday. He's a little sore today, but he's ok and the car's fine. It was just not a good day. I'm glad it's over. FIVE more days until surgery. I'm getting very nervous. I'm also excited about this weekend. Chris' birthday plans. I'll tell more after it's over, just in case he's reading...

One more week!

AF finally showed up. She's been teasing me. My temp dropped pretty low 3 days ago (Friday), so I assumed she'd show Saturday. I went ahead and called the clinic and confirmed my surgery. They sent out my consent forms and my instructions (interesting story about that later). Then the next day, my temp went back up. Sunday, temp went back down. Well, she showed first thing this morning. TMI warning: Just like always-no notice, just showed up with full, heavy flow and cramps from hell. Hopefully, the surgery will fix that somehow.

Speaking of the surgery, I couldn't sleep last night. Everytime I closed my eyes, I started having these thoughts. I've heard stories of people being put to sleep only the anethesia doesn't knock them all the way out. It only paralyzes them and they can feel everything but can't open their eyes or move or speak. I know it's rare, but it happens! I'm paranoid something will go wrong and they'll have to open my up all the way and I'll spend a week in the hospital and won't be able to go back to work. Not that I love my job THAT much, but I can't afford to get that far behind in my work. And they don't have enough people there to do my job while I'm gone. I'm planning on working from home no more than 2 days after surgery. I'm most scared of losing my uterus. I had this terrible image of waking up in recovery and the nurse saying, "Oh, you're so young to be having a hysterectomy." So, needless to say, I had a hard time getting to sleep last night.

For now, I have to try to quit worrying about all that and focus on the positive. This surgery will make things better and provide a better environment for our baby. And until the surgery, I have Chris' birthday to think about. Which is the interesting story I mentioned above. I can't say much in case he's reading these updates (which I don't think he is), but just in case. I was planning on taking him out to lunch for his birthday Sunday. I got my pre-op instructions and found out I'm on a liquid diet the entire day before surgery, which is his birthday! So, I guess I won't be eating with him, but I'm still taking him out! Keep in mind, I've never had surgery, so I did NOT know this was coming! I thought I just had to stop eating at midnight the day of surgery. Oh well.