The good, the bad, and the scary

Good: we have a solid plan
Bad: the plan doesn't last long
Scary: injectibles and IVF are coming soon

I had my 'what's next if this one fails' appointment today. I LOVE my RE. He's the nicest, most caring doctor and he's the founder and director of one of the two fertility clinics in Nashville. I have to have a plan in place at all times, so this appointment was very comforting for me. We went over a lot, so pull up a chair.

He feels confident of the timing of the IUIs since each time it was 15-17 days after the IUI that I got AF. That's how they judge the timing of past cycles. Last one was 17 days and I expressed my concern that my temp didn't rise for 2 days after the IUI and showed him my BBT chart. He looked at it and said it does appear that the timing was off, but it was unlikely. He also said this cycle is perfect. My lining is great, I had two mature follicles, the timing was impeccable. He said it's not common to see follicles that nice on Clomid. He was very pleased and very hopeful for this cycle.

That being said, we decided on what to do if it fails. I will be attending an injection class next week so I'll be ready if/when that time comes. Next cycle, I'll order 3-6 vials of sperm (I'm thinking 3). I'll have another HSG in my follicular phase to make sure my surgery was successful and everything is still clear. I'll take 100mg of Clomid (this is double what I've taken in the past).

If that cycle fails, we'll move on to FSH injections, unless I O'd nicely on Clomid, then we may give it one more. The max amount of cycles on injections is two, after which we'll pull out the big guns. IVF is our only other option if I want to carry a baby.

I asked if I would need another lap for the endo and he said he was a little concerned about the nodule. Apparently, they found a mass of endo (different from regular endo) and it was on my rectum, so they couldn't completely remove it. He also said my chances go down after each lap, so he didn't want to do anymore. IVF is a way around that, since endo wouldn't affect that.

I asked him if we still had the option of IVF/ICSI with Chris' sperm, given the newest results. He said we would have to do another FSH test on him (high FSH indicates testicular failure and it was borderline high in September) and one more SA. If his FSH increased and his count decreased, it is unlikely we'll be able to use his. Either way, he wants us to have a donor backup if/when we begin IVF. If they can't get a few good sperm from Chris, they can resort to the donor. I asked again if his SA indicated anything bad, like testicular cancer, and the doc seemed to think there was no medical problem like that. They did a LOT of blood tests (about $1200 worth) on Chris back in September and he was ok. I guess it just happens to some men. Just like some women have early ovarian failure, maybe?

I'm happy that we have a plan, but I'm scared. I hope we don't have to worry about any of this, but you never know. As my mom said, this is going to end up being the million dollar baby. Actually, we're only up to $28,000+ so far, in total billed amount. IVF will add another easy $15k. I hope our baby always realizes how much s/he was wanted!

The wait begins! (again)

Today's insemination went beautifully. The count was 129million, with 40million motile sperm. They like to see over 10million in a thawed sample, so it was like having FOUR vials. :-) Here's the coolest part: when the nurse got the catheter in my cervix and attached the syringe of sperm, she looked at Chris and said, "You wanna do this?" He just looked at her and said, "Do what??" She said, "Push the plunger on the syringe." He looked at me and I said, "Heck yeah!" So he pushed the plunger in and sent the swimmers on their way to meet my two waiting eggs. He had the biggest grin on his face after that. I think it really helped his mood (he's having a very stressful day at work). It was really neat for me, too, and now I can say my husband got me pregnant. LOL.

I really feel great about this month. Everything was SO perfect. Oh, and I have been having O pains for 4 days now and they got really sharp around noon today and I haven't had any pain since. I think I ovulated at noon, just 3 hours before the IUI. I don't think the timing could have been more perfect.

So if this cycle works, we'll wait until after the first trimester and order more of this same donor for a future sibling. If it doesn't work, we're going to select another donor. We'll have a donor chosen (we're using Xytex this time-they have more selection and online catalogs) so we can order it as soon as we know we need it. My RE likes to do things in rounds of 3, which is why we bought 3 vials of the first donor. He had said after 3 IUIs, we'd reevaluate the situation.

Here's my dilemma: if I wait to see if this cycle fails, I'd have NO time to get in to see him, discuss what he wants us to do, etc. Plus, the nurse said he usually goes to injectibles after 3 failed Clomid cycles. That means going to an injection class, which is only held on Tuesdays at 1pm. I should see AF on a Wednesday, so the class would be too late to make next cycle work. We'd lose a whole cycle. Soooo...I have an appointment with him tomorrow to discuss our options in case this one fails. If he wants to do injectibles, I can go to the class next Tuesday, and be ready to order the meds as soon as AF shows, if she does. He may not even want to do injectibles, since I've only had 2 cycles since my surgery, but I don't want to take the chance of missing a cycle, you know?

Whew, that was long-winded. I really do feel optimistic about this cycle, but I'm doing all this just in case. The only thing worse than this cycle failing would be having a whole month to think about how and why it failed without being able to try again.

One more day...

I went in this morning, as scheduled. Over the weekend, my OPKs went negative and haven't gone positive again, so I knew either I had not ovulated or I had missed it completely. Well, good news! No ovulation yet. But, the nurse said my follicle size, lining thickness, and timing was PERFECT. Her words. I have an 18x18mm on the left and a 19x22 on the right!!! I got a trigger shot and will go in tomorrow afternoon for the IUI. I never check CM, but I couldn't help notice that I have EWCM today. AND, my temp dropped. AND, I've been having O pains since Saturday. This is going to be a perfect ovulation. I'm SO excited! I have twice as much of a chance since there is a follicle on each side. And I have a better shot of twins. YAY!!!

It's happening quicker this time!

I got a positive ovulation test this morning and my monitor was reading high. Well, I'm going out of town this weekend and didn't want to miss my O, so I decided to go in for a follicle scan. Here's what happened:

I found out something interesting-Clomid can make OPKs positive until it gets out of your system. They expect the line to lighten up then get dark again. However, the u/s shocked me. Last month, I went in on cd12 and nothing was over 10mm. Today is cd10 and I had a 12mm follicle on the left and a 15mm on the right!!!!! I can't believe it. They said that's perfect given my cd and the fact that I took Clomid. They said it's finally working like it should. They also said if I get a surge on my own (positive OPK), I don't need a trigger shot. She wasn't sure why they did one last month. Soooooo....I'm scheduled Monday morning at 8am for my IUI!!!! I can't believe it! I'm SO excited. She also mentioned my lining was too thin to be O'ing right now, but it was right on schedule for cd10.

On the downside, we got Chris' SA results back. We were really hoping maybe the lab made a mistake last time, but it seems things have gotten worse, actually (didn't think that was possible!). His count went from 220k to 20k (normal is 40million, so his is less than .1% of normal). His motility went from 80% dead (immotile) to 100% dead. The count was so low, they didn't feel it necessary to do the morphology, but last time it was 0% normal, so I'm sure it didn't get worse. I'm bummed about it, definitely, but I'm so excited about O'ing early that my emotions are really mixed right now. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Chris is holding up alright, but he's definitely a little down. At least we know we're doing the right thing using donor sperm.

SA

I changed my mind (again). I decided I just would not feel satisfied until Chris got another full SA at the clinic. His appointment is today (I scheduled it last week). He made the joke that since he failed the first one, he's retaking it. LOL. While I'm not getting my hopes up, there's a possibility, right? I mean, maybe the lab contaminated the first sample. Maybe he had a virus or something at that time. It's been 6 months since the last one. And we quit smoking over 2 months ago, so that HAS to help some, right? I could tell he was starting to get his hopes up a little last night. Not unrealistically high, but he said maybe it would improve enough to be able to use his with the IUI. I think it would have to improve dramatically for that to work. Low count is one thing, but his was a barely-there count. And poor morphology (poor as in 0% normal). And low motility (as in 0% rapid progressive). BUT, maybe it was a mistake. Maybe these donor cycles are not working for a reason. Someone is trying to tell us to check things out again. Maybe...

Third time's a charm...right?

I'm officially on cd1 today. I picked up my Clomid last night, which I will start on Thursday. We got one of those at-home male fertility tests, which basically just tells you if your count is above or below the norm (20million/ml). If it's below, I'll let it go and not waste Chris' time or our money getting a complete analysis done. If it's normal, we'll get another one done. I've also requested donor catalogs again so we can pick another donor in case this last vial fails me. I need someone who can knock me up here!

Emotionally, I'm hanging in there. I worked from home yesterday so I could cry in peace. I'm back at work today, just trying to make it through the day. On the bright side, I can have all the caffeine, alcohol, and hot baths I want for another 2 weeks. And I can sit in the hot tub on my girls' trip next weekend! Woo-hoo!

It's over...

Another BFN and my temps are down slightly. It should drop more tomorrow and I'll see AF Monday or Tuesday. Chris is going to go ahead and schedule a second SA, just to double check the numbers, I'm going to get more donor catalogs and select another donor (we want to have one chosen in case our last vial doesn't work next month), and we're going to just lay around this weekend and mope. I can't believe this is not working. I just don't get it. I used a digital test and I just sat there and stared at it and prayed that it would say pregnant for the whole time. It really does suck to see 'Not Pregnant.' I'm completely devastated.

And again...

BFN. But my temps went UP again! They look great. IF I'm not pg, they should drop tomorrow. Only time will tell...

BFN (again, again)

Hope is starting to slip away, little by little. But all hope is NOT lost. It's still early and my temps are looking GREAT!

BFN (again)

It's ok, though. It's still early. I know I wasn't going to test today, but I couldn't help it. I haven't decided if I'm testing tomorrow or not.

BFN

I'm either 8dpo or 10dpo, so I didn't really expect a whole lot, but a girl can hope, right? I'll test again on Thursday. If I actually ovulated on the day of my IUI, it should show up by then. But if I ovulated 2 days later, as my temps indicate, it probably still won't show. I suppose I won't be too upset if I get another BFN. Then I'll test again Saturday, which will make me 12dpo if I o'd on the latter date. I should get AF, if I'm not pg, either Sunday or Tuesday.

6dpIUI (6 days past intra uterine insemination)

I tested! It's already negative, so I guess all the HCG is out of my system. YAY!! I'm a little concerned that they didn't give me enough to make me ovulate on time. I took an HPT 2 days after the shot (1dpIUI) and the second line was VERY faint. I would think it would've been stronger that early after the shot. PLUS, my temps stayed low, dipped on Monday, and rose on Tuesday. So, I might have ovulated on Monday, cd19, which is late for being on Clomid, but about right for my normal, non-medicated cycles. I'm not sure what to think about that. I'm planning on testing at 12dpIUI, which is Thursday, March 9th. If I O'd later, though, that's only 10dpIUI and it will be negative. I suppose I'll just take it as it comes. I just don't want to get my BFP on the weekend. I want to be able to go to the clinic and get a blood test and confirm it that day.