Only 17 days left...

I'm getting a little nervous about the surgery. I think what scares me most is something going wrong and losing my uterus. I know the chances are slim, but I don't think I could handle knowing I would NEVER be able to carry a child. Some day, I may have to come to that decision, but to be forced into it so abruptly is a different story.

Christmas was great. I made it through without much sadness. There was one moment, when my two siblings gave my mom a concrete stepping stone imprinted with the feet of their children, and I cried a little. It was a mixture of happy tears because it was a sweet moment, and sad tears, because I wish that stone had the footprints of my first child as well. Maybe next Christmas. Well, probably not, but maybe the one after that.

I'm getting back into a great workout routine, trying to get as much weight off as possible before I get pg, eating healthy, and paying off more debt every day. Life is going well.

Surgery is scheduled...

Since we decided to wait until March to try another DIUI cycle, I called my RE to see if we could go ahead with surgery. He said it sounded like a great idea, so I'm scheduled on Jan. 16th for a laparoscopy to check for/clean out endo with a hysteroscopy to do a uterine resection to remove the septum. So now my down time is going to be used to get my body ready for my baby! Yay! I'm nervous about the surgery, since I've never had surgery, but excited about getting fixed up. I should be healed just in time to try again in March/April.

Financially, we're trying SO hard to get our debts paid off to get ready for a baby. We made a big sacrifice today. We cancelled our home phone (we have cell phones) and our CABLE!! We'll make do with the basic channels. It will be worth it when we can afford to spoil our little one.

It's over...

I had decided last night that if my temp went up, I would test again today. No such luck. In fact, it went WAY below coverline, so the witch should be here in the next 24 hours. I'm completely bummed, but there's nothing I can do. I guess I'll just try to make it through the holidays and on to March so we can try again. I wish I didn't have to wait so long, but I know that's the best thing for us to do. Especially with the state my mental health is in now! If I have to go through this again at Christmas, I may lose it.

I tested again. :-(

Well, 12dpIUI and it's still a BFN. I got up this morning, and just stared at the stick, trying to decide if I really really wanted to test. I had planned from the beginning to test on day 12, but I got scared. And I guess I had good reason. I'm upset, but I know there's still a little hope. I will test again on Saturday or Sunday if no AF, depending on how my temps look. Right now, they're staying pretty steady around 98.1 (coverline is 97.7). They've dropped slightly the past couple days (98.12 to 98.11 to 98.07 today). If it doesn't happen this month, I guess it's God's way of telling me I need to lose weight, save some money, or something. I know He has a plan for me. I just don't know if I'll ever figure it out! I can only hope that plan includes me having a baby! And soon, please!